Hard Times

I was pregnant. Three weeks and three days ago there was a baby growing inside of me. With a beating heart. Only three weeks ago I was blissfully and joyfully dreaming of that child growing inside of me. And suddenly

If This Is How I Have to Know Him…

Note: I tried very hard to not make this post too graphic, but realize it is still a story about miscarriage. I spared details that weren’t needed to convey my message. But at the same time, this is my way of remembering the day my child was born way too early. As sad as the details are, I don’t want to forget them.

On November 15, 2015 my husband and I were at church in Cincinnati, Ohio. I was somewhere between seven to nine weeks pregnant and really not feeling well. I had a strange feeling that it wasn’t just morning sickness but I was trying to remain positive; putting my faith in the Lord that He could turn the situation around if it was His will. Not too long into the church service I felt like I should go to the bathroom to monitor the situation. I walked back into the service trying to remain calm and told Michael before I was even back in the pew that we needed to leave. I hugged my best friend, Julie, goodbye and gathered my things. Before I could walk all the way out of the church, the tears began to stream down my face. We were in Cincinnati for a church meeting and were about four hours away from home. Before we left, I hugged my mother-in-law and then my best friend, Melissa (who lost her daughter in February 2014), out in the church foyer.

Comforted By The Comforter

The last two weeks I have found myself searching everywhere online looking for answers. I don’t want an answer for why this happened, it’s like I’m searching and hoping to find some type of advice or something that will help me feel better. With each promising article title I find I feel that little bit of hope before I click on it to read it further, hoping that this will be THE article; the one that changed everything and made me feel so much better.

But it recently hit me that while I may find comforting words from others online, I must go to THE Comforter to find the kind of love, grace, support, comfort, and healing that I so desperately crave.

My Miscarriage & The Holidays

In the past year or so grief has become something I’m very in tune to and intrigued by. I know the Lord put that in my heart because I ache for His children when they are grieving. Sometimes I feel like I can almost feel it; the Lord has really laid the burdens of other’s heavily on my heart at times so that I can experience an ounce of the grief they are feeling daily.

But for some reason it was hard for me to grasp how you couldn’t feel joy during the Christmas season. It’s just so joyful how could you not? I have found that the Lord loves to teach me new things after I’ve doubted someone.

Grieving Over a Miscarriage

One thing I can’t stand is when someone acts like our loss isn’t as great because it’s a common type of loss. Death is common and people grieve over it daily in many different ways. Just because a miscarriage is common doesn’t mean I feel less pain. That makes no sense. I’m not just grieving the death of my baby,